January 9, 2013
The Fantasy Five: Colombia
Do you know what I officially get to say now?
I’M GOING ON MY ROUND THE WORLD TRIP THIS YEARRRRRRRRR!
Yes, I’m like super, crazy, over-the-top excited about my impending trip and can’t wait to see what lies ahead of me. There’ll be a whole heap of delicious food to eat, fantastic people to meet and party with, glorious architecture and sites to see, perhaps even a little bit of nature, and hopefully some comfortable hostel rooms where I can chill out and catch up with friends and family on Facebook, or play a few games online at partybingo.com.
Ahem. Well, one of the countries that I’m pretty confused about on this portion of my trip is Colombia. I mentioned it in my 2012-round-up-slash-2013-looking-forward post and still have no idea where to go. Not a clue. Because, you know, Colombia’s really, really big. We’re looking at regular ten hour or more bus journeys between major cities, not the maximum of four or five hours you experience in Korea, where you’re only ever on a bus that long if you’ve been visiting somewhere like Samcheok in northern Gangwon-do, or are heading from Busan to Seoul.
However, there are a few things I know I want to do for certain in Colombia, and a few places I’d love to head to whilst spending my month there. How do I plan on keeping myself entertained? Well, since you ask…
1. Not Get Mugged
A sunset over Cali, Colombia’s third largest city.
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Oh no he did NOT! Yes, I did. Come on, we have to admit it – Colombia still has an image problem, and two of its biggest cities (Cali and Medellin) appearing on a list of the World’s Most Dangerous Cities doesn’t help matters. However, the worst violence appears to be in-fighting between local gangs and criminals, and people travelling there aren’t targeted on a mass scale.
If I personally thought Colombia were unsafe, then I wouldn’t go there – I have no interest in visiting a country where I believe I’d be at a serious risk of having physical violence inflicted on me. Colombia is a place I’d love to go to, and come back with a great big, “told you so!” after not getting robbed or turned into an international drug mule. You all saw that movie Maria Full of Grace, right? If you didn’t, don’t worry – a little over-rated in my book, but a good drama nonetheless.
2. Surgery Spotting
I don’t speak Spanish, but I’m pretty sure this is on about liposuction.
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From what I hear, Colombia is a nation full of beautiful women, and more than a handful may have had help from our good friend Doctor Lookgood when it comes to the area of their body south of the neck and north of the navel. That’s right, I’m talking about breast implants! I plan on spending a day in a well-to-do area of one of the big cities, sitting outside of a cafe sipping coffee, and both marveling and recoiling at the enhanced bosoms that clack down the street in killer heels.
I’m seriously hoping that this isn’t a stereotype that turns out to be untrue. I want to see gaggles of fabulous women that look like they’ve stepped straight out of a gloriously glossy and over-the-top telenovela. Actually, if I could see some men like the ones in this video, that would be acceptable, too.
3. Beach Time!
Erm, hello paradise!
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This one can be kept pretty brief. I’ve heard that Colombia has some absolutely divine beaches along its Caribbean coast, and I’m hoping that I get to do nothing but just chill out, lay on the sand, go for a dip in the sea, and see more beautiful men like the ones in the telenovela video above.
4. Super Cute Monkeys
WHERE IS THIS PLACE?!? I’m overdosing on the cuteness here!
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The monkeys in Colombia don’t seem like the jaded Asian monkeys that attack travellers for getting too close, or the downright threatening European ones. At least, I hope not, because I googled “cute Colombian monkeys” and found these adorable critters. I’m not planning on going down to the Amazon though, so I’m not entirely sure what my likelihood of spending a day snuggling with monkeys and trying not to get poo flung at my face is.
5. Be Surprised!
Cartagena’s cathedral in the background.
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Colombia is a country that I’m sure will surprise me, and hopefully in a good way. I’m open to hearing tips from travellers and locals alike on how best to enjoy the country, but one of the things I’m looking forward to the most is not planning every step and not having a fixed itinerary. I want to be wowed by colonial architecture, puzzle at strangely sweet fruit, spend a night or five partying til dawn, and hopefully not being too embarrassed if I attempt to speak Spanish.
I’m hoping that Colombia has a few surprises up its sleeve for me, and hopefully in pleasing forms like pastries and puppies and not nightmare bus rides or colossal spiders that eat baby birds. Bring it on, Colombia! Except for the spiders.
So there you have it, folks! Now, I want to hear from you! Have you ever visited Colombia, are you from there, or have you lived there before? If so, what are your top tips for the country? How can I satisfy any of the points on my list here? Do men really look like the guys from the telenovela video? Let us know in the comments below, or shout out on Facebook or Twitter.
Lucky for you I spent TWO months in Colombia! I didn’t see any monkeys, but I also didn’t get mugged or feel at all unsafe. Some of the nicest people I’ve met anywhere in the world were in Colombia.
My favorite spots in the country were Bogota (we lived there for a month and it’s great if you are a lover of cities), Medellin which has the excellent nightlife and down south where you’ll find the coffee plantations and little towns.
Super great country so if you want more tips, email me!
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Oh Steph, I shall be consulting your posts in great detail! I won’t have as much time as you did in the country, but luckily I’m the type who can hop from A to B pretty quickly if needs be without going insane. Thanks for the tips! I anticipate a LOT of coffee being consumed while in Colombia.
Super cute monkeys, beautiful women, and beaches? I’m all about that shit!
I also see what you did there in the first paragraph, you saucy minx. Money in the bank, son!
Ssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh! I mean…I don’t know what you’re talking about!
OK so I DID just write about not feeling entirely safe in Bogota… but now that I’m in Medellin I’m absolutely loving Colombia and the people here. Bogota is probably great too and I hope to get back there and experience more of it at some point. I’ll be here for a few months so maybe our paths will cross!
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I’ll give you a shout, Britani! I get there in late April. Hopefully Bogota won’t give me the same feeling that it did you!
Colombia’s tourism slogan is “the only risk is wanting to stay”, and it’s true. Everyone I spoke to before I went told I’d ending up spending twice as much time there as I planned.
I was going to stay there a month and I ended up staying four.
The Caribbean coast – Santa Marta and Cartagena – is amazing if you like partying but make sure you do the Ciudad Perdida de la Tayrona trek. It was one of the most fun hikes I’ve ever done.
If you want to be a bit more adventurous, the wild Guajira Peninsula near Venezuela where the the desert drops meets the sea is incredible too.
Another wild place, that’s completely different from anywhere else in Colombia, is El Choco on the north west coast. It’s isolated by a jungle covered mountain range and the only way to get there is via plane or a shipping liner from Buena Ventura in the south. Not many people make it up there, but it’s totally worth it. Populated mostly by indigenous folk and the descendants of slaves who fish for fish and packets of cocaine, it’s all empty black sand beaches, riotous reggaeton parties and epic sunsets.
I was there a couple of years ago just as this American guy Tyler was setting up a hostel called The Humpback Turtle (http://www.humpbackturtle.com/) on a beach at El Valle. I’d love to go back.
I won’t bother telling you about how much fun Medellin and Bogota are (they’re haps fun).
Enjoy mate. You’ll have a blast.
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THANK YOU for the tip about Choco – it looks amazing! Checking out the Humpback Turtle site at the moment. May have to try and squeeze a week in there before heading up to Cartagena (oh yes, the route is becoming a lot more certain now – booked a flight to San Andres earlier haha!)
Yeah man, do it. You’ll LOVE it.
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You, sir, owe me a plane fare
Actually no, it seems like you can’t book anything to Bahia Solano more than 12 weeks in advance, so I shall have to wait! It’ll give me a bit of time to think, but pretty sure I’ll still want to go by the time I can reserve something!
Heh.
If you like getting away from the usual backpacker trail, then you should definitely go.
Reserving is not a big deal. I think I got my ticket the day before, though it probably cost slightly more.
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Ahh, I’m an advanced planner, so if I left getting a plane ticket until the day before, I’d probably wind up suffering some kind of unwelcome bodily palpitation
Oh, yeah… and I’ve heard of people getting mugged and stuff. There’s not much you can do it avoid it except the usual precautions. You’ll be right.
Beardy just posted How much does weed cost in Bangkok? Two nights jail and $1000
I won’t be flashing any fancy gear about at night or anything like that, although I’m a little cautious because my camera is fairly nice (though not amazing by professional photographer standards) and I would like to snap some nice photos without it getting wrestled off me. Anyway, if a knife or gun is pulled on me, then bye bye camera, although I’m hoping that won’t happen.
We LOVED Colombia! If you plan on crossing the border from Colombia to Ecuador, make sure you stop in Ipiales (the border town on the Colombia side). There is a fantastical church built in a ravine called Los Lajas that makes it well worth it!
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Alas after Colombia, I’ll be flying to Toronto for the TBEX conference, so I won’t be able to make it to Ecuador. Thanks for the tip, though – I’ll have to keep it in mind for another time! Colombia looks amazing and I have a feeling it’ll be a country that I’ll want to return to!
oh tom! you’re going to fall in love with Colombia just like everyone says you will
don’t miss Popayan, Salento, or Taganga!
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I’m starting to think it was a bad idea to publish this – I’m even more confused than before haha! Thanks for the tips though, Kerri
I absolutely loved Colombia, and was there for six weeks. If you ever need any tips or advice (places to go, hostels, etc) please let me know! And don’t worry, I felt perfectly safe there the whole time. xx
p.s. my route was Cartagena – Santa Marta – Taganga – Tayrona – Taganga – Medellin – Guatape – Salento – Cali – Popayan – St. Augustine – Popayan – Ipiales. Don’t know if that helps at all, but I’d be happy to give advice about any of them!
Thanks so much, Brenna! I remember reading a few of your Colombia posts! Out of what you’ve listed here, I’ll be going to Cartagena and Cali for sure, and almost certain I’ll wind up in Medellin. Booked a one week jaunt on Isla San Andres, and considering heading to the Pacific coast as per another awesome recommendation in this thread. I’ll come to you when I need more ideas & advice!