If you've been following and/or stalking me via Facebook or Twitter lately, you may have seen that over the past couple of weeks, I've been babbling on about visas and passports and how much I loathe the staff at the Korean Embassy.
I swear one of the guys I spoke to must have been the inspiration for Little Britain's "Computer Says No" sketch. He was just that unhelpful, and he didn't even pretend like he cared.
Anyway, this post isn't about him. Or wondering about why Embassy staff can't give you any information about your own passport. I could write a whole post about it, but I won't.
The date I fly back to Korea is finalised. I fly from Newcastle airport on February 27th, stopping over in Dubai and then landing at Incheon airport on the afternoon of February 28th.
I'm so ready to go back to Korea, it's unreal. My Lady of Leisure lifestyle has sadly become tedious, and I'm not rich enough to hire a tennis instructor to have an illicit affair with in the mansion that I don't live in. Somewhere, Jackie Collins is weeping.
But, how can you tell if you're ready to stop living lazily and get back to your expat existence? Here's how...
You have an strange desire to be productive
My boredom has become such that I'm now living in a state of delirium where I, you know, actually want to get back to work and become a productive member of society.
I want to get back to my job - albeit it, same job different place.
I want to buy my own groceries. I want to have a paycheck so I can go to the bank and transfer money and then cry when I'm broke one week after getting paid. I want to get together with my friends after work on a Thursday in our favourite coffee shop and just let rip on all the funny, frustrating and down right bizarre stuff that happens at our work.
But I need a job to be able to do that.
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| I'm excited to be teaching great kids like these again. My biased memory seems to have blocked out the screaming horrors of my terrible classes, however... |
You start trying to convince people of the virtues of rotting vegetables
This really applies to any odd-sounding food that's popular in your adopted country but has your friends and family at home recoiling with horror when you describe it to them - or urge them to try a bit that you brought back with you.
"What's kimchi?"
"It's spiced and salted fermented cabbage. It's actually really nice."
"It smells like someone threw up on my feet!"
"...you get used to it."
I've been gorging myself with fish and chips, delectable cakes and scones and, erm, Chinese takeaways. You'll probably do the same when you get home, and then cry when you look in the mirror and wonder if self-liposuction is a viable alternative to a two-month gym membership.
Then the cravings will come.
When you start to dream of fatty pork and garlic wrapped up in a lettuce leaf, you know it's time to go back.
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| Of course, extolling the virtues of all-you-can-eat sushi for seven pounds is nothing to be fearful of. |
It's not like that in X, Y or Z country
When expats arrive in a new country, there is always a period of adjustment, where they adapt and get used to their new home.
You can always tell who the newest of the new expats are, as every sentence will start along the lines of:
"Well in England..."
"Well in Minnesota..."
"Well at my Grandma's Retirement Village..."
If they're not a new expat and are still starting every sentence with this kind of thing, chances are they're simply a jerk who should maybe consider moving somewhere else.
Anyway, I digress.
When the expat returns home, everything in their homeland is seen through rose tinted glasses. However, when the glasses crack and their home country's true colours are re-exposed to them, they start to get a little bit more jaded and yearn for their expat life.
"It's not this expensive in Korea..."
"I have to wait 5 days for a new card? I can just go into the bank and get a new one in Korea..."
"In Korea you can get drunk for fifty pence..."
The adopted homeland becomes the holy grail of the expat that's ready to move back, and don't try telling them otherwise.
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| In Korea, I'm an incontinent bodybuilder, apparently. |
You start speaking in a different language
When I first came back to the UK, I suspended my Korean studies. I mean, I'm in the UK...why do I need to study Korean?
Cut to two months later and I currently have laid out in front of me one Korean grammar book, two big vocabulary books chocked full of verbs and adjectives, and a notepad with scrawlings upon scrawlings in Korean, with their appropriate English translations.
My computer has recently acquired Korean MP3 files and their PDF transcript accompaniments.
I've only been watching Korean movies for the past week.
One of them made me bawl like a baby.
The problem is, I want to speak in Korean, study Korean, talk about it but guess what? Harrogate's Korean speaking population is...well, I don't know if it even has one.
The only words my little brother knows in Korean are the words for "hello" and a rather vulgar take on the word vagina, which I may or may not have taught him.
Once you start speaking in the language of your expat country, then you know it's time to get back over there.
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| You may also be excited to come across linguistical gems such as this. |
You're really, really excited
I've saved the most obvious one for last.
The best way to tell if an expat is ready to go back to their country of residence is simple - it really, really excites them.
When the postman knocked on my mum's front door on a Saturday morning, my heart sank when I saw a huge package from Amazon. I was expecting a dinky little envelope containing my passport.
When I saw said envelope, I was bouncing around the house like a humanoid Tigger after ripping it open and seeing that my work visa had been secured inside my passport.
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| My visa! I'm getting excited just posting this photo. |
I'm excited to see my boyfriend and my friends. I'm excited to go to karaoke rooms, sticker shops, public bath houses and have my own tiny little apartment.
I'm excited to be giving my life a kick-start again, and nothing can beat that feeling.
So, there you have it folks! What about you? Are you an expat, or do you know any expats, and if so - do they show any of these symptoms when they're back home? Are there any signs that I didn't think of? If so, let us know in the comments below, or via Facebook or Twitter!
